Dilettante

The Deathly Hallows: Spoiler Alert!

2007-07-21T23:28:00.000+05:30

Will make quite a big-budget movie. In a good way. If they decide to make it four and a half hours long - which I do hope they do.

It has everything - flashbacks, redemption, conversations in netherwordly places like King's Cross Station, loads of heroism and valiant deaths.

I guess this is the feeling Star Wars fans experienced when they watched Return Of The Jedi back in the say.

Ok, so there were no real spoilers in this post. I'm considerate like that.

2007-07-10T13:54:00.000+05:30

So I'm reading all of them Harry Potters again before the release of The Deathly Hallows and all that and I come across this funny line in The Prisoner Of Azkaban that I missed earlier.

...was still extremely nervous, and had only agreed to return to her job on condition that she was given extra protection. A bunch of surly security trolls had been hired to guard her. They paced the corridor in a menacing group, talking in grunts and comparing the size of their clubs.

Didn't expect JK Rowling to drop in a cool Freud symbolism just like that. heh.

More Airport

2007-05-21T23:21:00.000+05:30

So your intrepid blogger brings you an update on the construction of the Bangalore International Airport, previously blogged about here and here.

It took me about 20 minutes to drive from the highway to the site offices and actually stopped to ask for directions three times. Interesting drive, mostly barren land where one gets excited to see the first signs of construction (which is a compound wall) in about half a kilometre from the highway.

The construction of the ATC Tower.

The sections of the roof at the pre-cast yard, which are this cool wave-shaped profile. Check out the construction and then the artist's impression of the roof, below.

And in case you were wondering, here's the compound wall.

Good Things From Hyderabad

2007-03-31T18:01:00.000+05:30

I think there are a total of 2 things.

Biryani from The Nizam Club and biscuits from Karachi Bakery.

from the Jobless Pictures Archive. Items brought back when my sister did a "parcel" of the biryani from dinner and came to Bangalore the next day.

How Do You Smile In Kannada?

2007-02-13T20:48:00.000+05:30

Now that I've found the bluetooth dongle that was hiding behind the ATX cabinet, here are a few pictures from many moons ago. Many more to come in later posts.

Art's Sake

2007-02-03T10:34:00.000+05:30

Amaya (as in without maya/illusion) Art is a new "art house" promoting Indian art and all that. Check out their website. Recluse sent it to me to pimp it, it has just the right number of adjectives important to selling art even.

Now I don't know the first thing about art (I do know the right adjectives and verbs, though) but the stuff they are holding is pretty good. And looks reasonably priced. The gallery on the website isn't up and running yet but you can view the pictures here.

Do check it out, they are nice paintings.

All The Epithets

2007-01-22T10:04:00.000+05:30

Yesterday, my peeps and I narrowly escaped the insanity that was the riot. After driving near Ulsoor Lake trying to avoid the traffic jams, we headed back on St. John's Church Road going the roundabout way to Old Madras Road. When we reached Coles Park, stopping because of a blockade at Haines Road, outside Siddique, a Matador Van filled with people doing rounds/going to the VHP-sponsored Virat Hindu Samajotsava.

Some dudes just pop out of the woodwork i.e., Siddique Chicken Centre, handkerchiefs covering their face and attack the van (and people inside, I guess) with metal pipes. We saw them break the windshield and climbing into it while we quickly drove away.
Now these dudes with the orange flags were not heading in the direction of the rally but driving into the "sensitive area", possibly with the same mentality that Ganapati-processions in Bombay are loudest near the mosques.

Blr Bytes was on Assaye Road (near the Bengalee Association) when he was stopped by more of the protestors and got roughed up, when he was in his car, through the window.

A few nothing-to-with-this Korean tourists were pulled out of their bus and watched it being torched. They were escorted (possibly by a quick-thinking policeman) to the State Fire HQ and stayed there. A lot of foreigners are in the city to attend IMTEX, so the statistical chances of a foreigner getting caught in this would be higher. It's extra trouble we don't need.

Apparently, this started a couple of days ago, when a Jaffer Sharief-organised procession to protest the hanging of Saddam Hussein (20 days after the hanging, albeit) went wrong with some RSS-types attacked that rally (possibly because they were good friends of the Kurds that got gassed). Yesterday's trouble, was therefore a retaliatory attack.

Never a good idea to have people like Praveen Togadia in your city. Someone should take Mr. Togadia, Mr. Sharief and while we're at it Mr. Modi and the Imam of Delhi's Juma Masjid, place them in a single cell in the already housefull Parappana Agrahara Jail. And place them under CCTV surveillance. Should make for interesting viewing.

Granted, we're no longer the Pensioner's Paradise or even Garden City or a "progressive, cosmopolitan city" that romantically reminds us of the quiet, worry-less days. Alongwith the success of a large number of people, it also brings a serious discontentment to a large number of no-so succesful people.

It doesn't help that politicans and "community leaders" foment fear and insecurity along religious lines for more power and more personal gain.

It's an indication of failure of our society and nationhood when politician is a four-letter word.

Blogged Out

2007-01-20T13:50:00.000+05:30

So my man, Blr Bytes decides he's done being a blogger. Which is such a pity because, you know, he was pretty good at it. The reasons he has done so, he has articulated well enough. It's a pity but we move on.

Now, what can You, Dear Reader expect out of this blog? The flavour of this blog might change just a little bit (especially with the regularity of new posts). And youm who come back here looking for especially for restaurant and food reviews, do keep coming back - I think BB can be persuaded to cameo the odd review. In the meanwhile, visit My Link List with which he still posts, but no witty social commentary a la India Uncut. Yet. When he does, Amit Varma better watch out. hehe.

It's been a good ride.

It's Time To Say Goodbye...

2007-01-18T07:27:00.000+05:30

I've been blogging a little over a year now and as my college T-shirt says, it's been a long strange trip. And I'm happy I did because I made some great new friends and one very special friend. But in the end, it's become far too difficult to give this blog the attention that I once did and it rightly deserves.

The 55-word rallies have been what I enjoyed most. It's only fit, even if it's not Friday yet, to sign off with one.

It enters in soft whispers and undying declarations, where words mean more than actions.

In time, the words fade to black as the actions speak for themselves; screaming for sweet release.

And it leaves in broken promises, a city unbuilt and the ruins for the world to see, of what could have been only if...

Like Chamique, I'm all blogged out.

Parking

2007-01-10T17:58:00.000+05:30

I'm not entirely sure how I came across this website but I hope everyone in Bangalore reads it. It's just what our city needs. Some good old fashioned vigilante justice.

And is appropriately warned. A sample notice is below. You can download 'em from their site. Print. Plaster. Repeat.

It's a pity that they do "not support making the notices provided into stickers in the intent to adhere said notices onto offending assholes."

Tasting Menu @ Shiok

2007-01-06T07:50:00.000+05:30

If you have ever dined at Shiok you should not miss this and if you haven't dined at Shiok you couldn't ask for a better introduction to their food!

Madhu is organizing a Mixer Event, on the 14th of January, with a fabulous looking tasting menu.

The non-vegtarian menu is priced at Rs. 500 per person and includes such wonders as:

* Tea-smoked chicken and celery with sweet soy sauce and sichuan pepper-salt
* King prawn with essence of shrimp and brandy cream, mix mushroom stir-fry and green salad

The vegtarian menu is priced at Rs. 400 a head and you can expect:

* Dumplings of vegetables with two sauces - brown butter and chilli ginger
* Sesame Eggplant and Rice wine Zucchini with toasted almonds and Asian "pesto"

... and much much more.

For details and RSVP please look here.

I'm going. Are you?

More X'mas Food

2007-01-06T06:41:00.000+05:30

Provo writes in with his Christmas Menu. Hang tight, it's a long one!

◊ Christmas Day Specials ◊

Soup

Calabasa Pumpkin Soup
with Maple Crème Fraiche

Appetizer

Chilled Orange Pekoe Poached Caicos Lobster
with Stolichnaya Spiked Apricot Essence, Won Ton Crisps
and Radish-Carrot Slaw

Entrée (Carving Station)

Traditional Roasted Turkey and Ham
with Mashed Potatoes, Steamed Broccoli, Giblet Gravy,
Sage and Walnut Stuffing and Cranberry Sauce

◊ A∙p∙p∙e∙t∙i∙z∙e∙r∙s ◊

Tasting Assortment of Providenciales Lobster
blackened lobster with tomato marmalade
lobster salad with creole salsa
lobster tempura with bok choy salad

Trio of Conch
conch tacos with tomato and ginger chutney
conch tempura with sashimi sauce
conch creole

Degustation of Duck, Shrimp, and Vegetable Spring Roll
with sweet & sour sauce, beetroot and ginger dressing

Providenciales Conch Chowder
with mild cherry pepper and aged rum

Sushi Crab Roll of Smoked Salmon
with asian salad drizzled with wasabi and a ginger dressing

Tartar of Ahi Tuna
with a tower of cucumber and tomato
served with flour tortillas topped with lime & lemon yogurt

Goat Cheese and Shitake Mushrooms
wrapped in carpaccio of beef on toast,
blueberry vinaigrette scented with rice vinegar

Spinach Salad
with brie cheese, walnuts, raisin and herb vinaigrette

Chilled Consommé of Tomato
with crab and baby corn

◊ S∙a∙l∙a∙d∙s ◊

Mixed Green Lettuce in a Plantain Ring
with herbs and honey vinaigrette

Romaine Lettuce Hearts
with garlic croutons, bacon, a light caesar dressing
sprinkled with aged parmesan cheese

◊ E∙n∙t∙r∙é∙e∙s ◊

Seared Filet of Red Snapper
with shaved fennel and beignet of sweet potato, served with tapenade sauce

Rare Cooked Ahi Tuna
marinated in sweet chili sauce served with sautéed bok choy
and pickled carrot, sour cream and horseradish

Sautéed Sea Bass
served with bok choy, blackened parisienne potatoes
and tomato salsa dressing

Mahi Mahi in Papillotte
with julienne of leek and celery, served with sticky rice and stir fry sauce

Grilled Providenciales Rock Lobster Tail
complimented with carrot mousseline, plantain chips
and draw lobster butter

Ravioli of Lobster
oven baked shitake mushrooms and freshly sautéed bok choy,
served with ginger reduction

Roasted Magret of Duck
with crispy skin, duo of potato and asparagus with warm honey dressing

Broiled Rack of Lamb
garnished with couscous scented with mint, tian of eggplant,
lime and lemon infusion

Oven Baked Free Range Chicken Breast
filled with conch, fried sweet potatoes and risotto of christophine,
served with sweet and sour mango sauce

Seared Veal Tenderloin
served with mushrooms and homemade potato gnocchi
drizzled with marsala reduction

Grilled Filet of Beef Tenderloin
served with fondant potato and oven baked tomato, infusion of cardamom

I told you it was some menu!

New Year's Eve

2007-01-02T09:55:00.000+05:30

What did you eat on New Year's Eve?

As I was going out, I made a potato, leek and bacon soup served with mustard toast for the parents. The main course was leftover turkey, ham and Russian salad and dessert was fresh strawberries marinated in champagne and served with cream.

I, on the other hand, had a far simpler meal. Eggs, toast, baked beans, sausages and fries. Yes. For real. My dining partner had grilled fish in a nameless brown sauce and we both had an iced tea spiked with a large vodka. Where, you ask? Koshys, of course.

Provo had to send his menu and it kind of eclipses all else.

GBC Seafood Cocktail
fresh chilled Lobster, Stone Crabs, Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail
and Cracked conch with mustard and cocktail sauce

Pan Seared Scallops
wild mushroom ragout and truffled mash potatoes

Foie Gras Tasting
green apple tart, pan seared with French toast blueberry compote truffle pate

Mixed Greens
candied walnuts, raspberry vinaigrette and anjou pears
with pecan goat cheese frittes

Romaine Heart
drizzled with lemon anchovy dressing and Focaccia Croutons

Herbed Seared Sea Bass
sun-dried tomato risotto cake, white and green asparagus tips, and saffron beurre blanc

Brioche Crusted Lamb Chops
double cut chops, wilted chard with pine nuts and seedless grapes
with goat cheese mash and mint jelly

Filet and Foie Gras
petite baby vegetables, white truffle Potato Grating and port natural sauce

Asian Stuffed Lobster
fresh local lobster stuffed with Maryland lump crabmeat served with
Asian stir fried vegetables and crispy potato sticks

Champagne Toast at Midnight

The kicker is the price. The "experience" was $ 400.00 per person!

Whatever you ate and drank and wherever you were, I hope you rang in the New Year with someone you love.

Happy New Year everyone!

Small Town Food

2007-01-01T11:33:00.000+05:30

This weeks issue of the Outlook is a special devoted to food from small town India and it's most certainly worth a read.

Pankaj Mishra writes on looking for vegetarian food and his reminisces about the best idlis and anda bujiya he's ever eaten.

There's things you didn't know about Surat and the magic of Undhiyo.

And about fudge that's been localized in Almora. Or has it been?

Who knew that Bikaner produced close to 40 tons of bhujia a day?!

That a paan shop in Varnasi is the equivalent of the local tea shop in the South.

Guntur is a riot of red when chillies are harvested and the local economy runs of chilly power.

Of port and sausages and feni and pao in Mapusa.

Potato-less samosas in Allahabad, sitabhog in Burdwan, the original Kholapuri mutton and fun things to eat in Tamu and their local disdain for "local" liquor.

I've been to Rampur but didn't know of it's regal heritage when it came to food. So much to try.

Konkani food in Karwar is besieged by alien cuisines. I'll vote for the former, how can a ghee roast chicken lose to an anonymous butter chicken?

Frogs and worms and all things crawly in Kohima are on the menu.

Chettinad food must be had in Karaikudi. Everything else is a bastardized version. Can't say I disagree.

Of a Sufi food tradition in the heart of Punjab. With bhatti da murg, degh ka gosht and communal harmony in Malerkotla.

Missing spices and Telicherry, now Thalasserry, Black Pepper and superlative, yet light biryani.

Laila Tyabji extols the virtue in the uniqueness of Indian food.

And the Editors moan the virtues of those that couldn't make the issue.

As an aside, this is one good reason why the processed food industry is still so nascent. We have no pan-Indian flavours and it's too damn hard to cater to every regional fancy. Well, it's too difficult for large companies which is why smaller food companies prosper. It's also why the most popular processed foods in this country are essentially alien to us, Maggi Noodles, Top Ramen Smoodles, Knorr Soups and Sunfeast Pasta even if they are "localized" in some generic fashion.

I'm sure there are exceptions, like bhujiya, but not too many.

I'd love to hear from you, on small town food and processed food in India.

Update: Dhoomk2 shares his take on the Outlook story.

"... like anyone will actually turn up in Surat or Almora for a bite. I have had some of these impostors preening off as cuisine..."

Happy New Year!

2006-12-31T18:59:00.000+05:30

Happy New Year everyone!

Back in 2007 with more....

Christmas Food.

2006-12-26T10:42:00.000+05:30

I love Christmas even if I do tend to get maudlin. And the food is always excellent. Over the years, I’ve fallen into routine and been in Madras for Christmas as my Grandparents, from both sides, live there but I wasn’t able to make it this year and hence will have to eat vicariously.

When my Grandfather was alive I have recollections of large Christmas parties with hundreds of people, two bars and a mahogany dining table that fair protested under the sheer weight of food. And what a spread it was.

Post-Church breakfast, on Christmas day, was always appam and chicken stew, with a side of egg roast. And dinner, that followed the massive lunch (detailed below), is almost always from Buharis or Blue Diamond. Buharis, being past its prime (even if it did create the original Chicken 65, chicken kebab was item number 65 on their menu and no other explanation is valid.) has more or less given way to the fabulous Sri Lankan Muslim food from Blue Diamond, egg and kheema parathas, ghee parathas, mutton kurma, kotthu paratahas…oh, so good.

Yes, so on with lunch. Us being Mallu, there’d have to be some food from “Our Land”, usually a chicken curry, beef fry, fish fry, red fish curry, two vegetables, papad and some pickle, and the ‘Continental’ side would feature roast turkey, roast chicken, duck if we were lucky, glazed leg of ham, sausages, roast potatoes, gravy, stuffing, Russian salad, bread rolls and crumb fried fish. The menu almost never changed, and still remains the same, except for one year when the Grandmother decided that a roast pig would be a good addition. Minor variations are allowed, some years we have smoked salmon and the Mallu food is prone to change. But the basic nature of the buffet remains unchanged, to this day. Dessert is always a steamed Christmas pudding (with a silver coin in it, for one lucky soul to wish upon.), served with brandy butter, lemon juice and Bosoto Brother’s cream (cream so thick you could invert the tub and it wouldn’t fall.)

This year, being in Bangalore and not having access to my traditional meal, I dined at Sunny’s. They had a set menu, which featured a French onion soup or a pumpkin and apple soup (both were good. Thought the latter could have used more spice to hide the overbearingly sweet base.), starters of smoked salmon rolls, fried nori shrimp, Vietnamese rolls and grilled Shitake mushrooms (all of them, barring the rolls were very good.), a salad of warm goats cheese, green apples and romaine (a fabulous paring but rocket would have worked even better.), a pomegranate sorbet (excellent. But obviously made from juice and hence maybe a little too sweet.) and a main course of turkey served with a sweet potato puree, stuffing and cranberry jelly. (I'm betting that it was a Butterball turkey. Not bad, but I like mine more flavorful, leg meat and all. Good gravy, I can't stand the cranberry jelly, and the whole thing was too nouveau with the sweet potato crap. I wanted roast potatoes. Stuffing was okay, but politically correct as it had chicken sausage and no organ meat) Unfortunately, there was no glazed leg of ham. And the X'mas pudding was more a cake. And no cream and piddlingly little brandy butter.

But for the company, I’d rather have been in Madras.

So, what did you eat for Christmas?

Merry Christmas

2006-12-25T07:42:00.000+05:30

The cops had closed Brigade Road to vehicular traffic on X'mas eve. I wish they'd do it more often...

Merry Christmas ya'll, have a good one and drive safe.

Opus. Christmas Special.

2006-12-22T09:46:00.000+05:30

Last night a bunch of us went to Opus for the Christmas edition of their weekly Booze & Brains quiz. Didn't eat much apart from some all too fishy fish fingers and potato wedges.

Mark Rego managed to get atleast one question wrong, or so I firmly believe. Where is Tabasco sauce made? His answer was Mexico. Mine was the USA. He claims it's made only in Mexico and bottled in many countries, India included. I'm pretty sure he's wrong. On both counts.

A few pictures below of the special Christmas food counter Opus has set up with grilled chicken, turkey, duck and quail; roast leg of lamb and pork; baked pork rolls and glazed legs of ham, prawns and live crabs. All looks very good and maybe someone who's tried it can let me know if it's any good?

And for the record, we came third.

Pricey Dining

2006-12-21T16:38:00.000+05:30

Forbes has a story on India's Most Expensive Restaurants. Take a look at the slideshow and pick your jaw up off the floor.

Bangalore features twice, once with this gem from "gourmet writer Ajit Saldanha" who remarks on the rise of these expensive dining haunts thus:

"I call it trophy dining. If you've got it and don't flaunt it, well, what's the point?"

Is he the best they could do when they claim to have based their list on "...recommendations from the country's top food critics, who insist the pricy menus are worth every rupee"? Which brings me to my second sore point, their sole choice for Bangalore is Zen at the Leela, which was recently visited and trashed. Resoundlingly so. So much for the food actually mattering.

My Link List

2006-12-20T15:58:00.000+05:30

Hey! You! Yes, you dear reader!

Now that I've got your attention can I ask you to direct it to our Link Blog? Go on, take a look at it and you'll find the most interesting reads such as:

Google road maps for Bangalore and other Indian cities.

A History Of Religion in 90 Seconds.

Ever Wonder what became of Winnie Copper from the Wonder Years? Wonder no more...

Know what Drinking a Coke does to you?

Banquet Menus from the Nobel Prize Ceremonies

Heck, and that's just for this week! Go on, read it, or better yet, subscribe to it.

You know you want to...

Overheard

2006-12-19T09:52:00.000+05:30

My colleague two tables away speaks into his phone

"Ah, Arun, where are you? Chinna veedu? Periya veedu?"

hahaha. Somehow that shit is just plain wrong.

Jobless Pics.

2006-12-17T20:04:00.000+05:30

Would you trust them? I think not...

Empire. 3.50/5.00

2006-12-17T09:54:00.000+05:30

Given the furore that the Imperial vs. Empire debate has caused on this blog and given that the kebab question has now been answered (49% prefer Imperial chicken kebabs to the Empire ones. I can't disgaree!) I was finally able to visit Empire. This review is of the Central Street branch. My quick take: Empire has enough, kebabs apart, to want to dine there.

Our evening began at Windsor Pub where the beer was accompanied by the usual 'snackes' followed by a short detour to, ummm, build appetite as it were.

For six of us, we ordered a lot. And I mean a lot. One grilled leg of mutton (raan), one grilled chicken, one and a half kebabs, one ginger chicken, two brain fry, 12 coin parotas, 2 kerala parotas, 2 ghee rice and sulemani to round it all of. I do believe it's the first time I've ever paid a bill of over Rs. 1000 at either Empire or Imperial. And yes, we finished it all.

Honestly, I can see myself going back soon. Not for the kebabs, they weren't a patch on the ones at Imperial. Not by a long shot. But, the grilled chicken was superb. Far better than the stuff you get at Imperial or Siddiques. The raan is also excellent, I'd be happier if the crisped the outside a bit, and such good value for money but it does have far less meat than you'd expert. Oh, the grilled chicken and the raan are best with roomalis not the KP/CP stuff. The brain was very different from the pepper fry at Imperial and it wasn't necessarily worse and is worth trying. The ginger chicken, as Chinese as it sounds, seems to be a burial ground for leftover tandoori chicken which isn't necessarily as bad as it sounds. In fact, I liked it. Enough to want to go back and try it again. Personally, I prefer the parotas at Imperial but hey, don't let that cloud your judgment. There's not much between the two. However, the ghee rice/gravy and the sulemani, are far better at Imperial.

So there, my review. Finally. Feel free to disagree/agree/comment below. I'd love to hear from you. As an aside, what's with the bombastic names? Imperial? Empire? Paramount?

More Food Reviews

2006-12-16T14:41:00.000+05:30

Came by a new Restaurant Blog that has some good reviews on Tai Tai, Shiok and such places.

If you do come across blogs that review food in Bangalore, send me a mail won't you?

Richies. 3.75/5.00

2006-12-15T22:12:00.000+05:30

It's tough rating a place like Richies. It really is. Not because the food isn't good, it is. But mainly because that's all that's good about it. The food. You really wouldn't go there for the ambiance, it's all fake wood, dim lighting from gaudy chandeliers and a, well ummm, an assorted crowd of diners. Much like other restaurants in the area.

But then, it's only about the food. And good God, it's incredible with one disclaimer, you need to be a carnivore, failing which, a poultry-vore.

There are only so many things one orders. Their mutton and chicken biryani cannot be beat. Not in this town anyway. And the stand-out feature is that the two are different, they don't take the easy way out. Their dal fry needs to be tried to be believed. It's good enough to make me order it, along with hot tandoori rotis. (Tip: Squeeze the oil out of the sauteed round red chilly that they add. Delicious!) The lamb in the biryani is tender, so very flavourful and never over cooked. It's brilliant. So too are their sheekh kebabs. On good days, you'll get deep fried teethar, which is similarly excellent. I like the fact that their raitha doesn't have cucumber and that you get a little portion of some very good kheer along with each order of biryani.

Their other food, the usual suspects of chicken and mutton hyderabadi/kholapuri/do pyaza etc., are also worth a shot but not in the same league as their biryani/roti/dal and sheekh kebab. Oh, and they'll also sell you the biryani, on order, by the kilogram. It's such a hit at parties.

Richies is on MM Road, about half way down. Hard to miss. But do go.

Autorickshaw

2006-12-14T10:21:00.000+05:30

What a wonderful day to drive with nary an auto in sight!

Chunky

2006-12-12T21:14:00.000+05:30

The chocolate or the eater?

Jobless Pics. 70.

2006-12-12T20:31:00.000+05:30

A bus with a speed limiter. Pity it's a private service vehicle. They ought to fit BMTC vehicles with one. And a lane limiter, if one exists. Made and advertised by Pricol.

Spencer's (the erstwhile Food World) has a very interesting looking Delicatessen (Deli, you say?) on their premises. One chiller has a wide range of cheeses.

While the other has a variety of chicken and pork sausages and other assorted cold meats. They're predominantly from the Keells stable, a Sri Lankan brand. And they're pretty damn good.

Discount @ Shiok.

2006-12-12T17:33:00.000+05:30

For two nights (and days) only, Shiok is celebrating their third anniversary and is offering:

"a discount of 15% on your ... entire bill, including [their] nice cocktails in the cocktail lounge."

Run, don't walk and make a reservation.

Oh, and congratulations!

For The Ladies; Male Models.

2006-12-11T18:13:00.000+05:30

Chamique and I went in search of a pair of weight training gloves yesterday and landed up at the Nike Store on 100 Foot Road where I was confronted by this visage and much gentle prodding.

As impressive as these specimens are, ladies would do well to remember that they don't have a head. Then again, most women claim men don't have one anyway. Or even if they do, that they don't use it.

But they look funny undressed! Then again, so do most of us...

Either way, men, we lose.

We must protest this base objectification of our bodies. We must ask for more realistic portrayals of the male body.

Gah! Humbug!

Update: An unnamed reader sends in a story titled "Don't Misunderestimate Yourself: Why people think that rivals are better looking than they really are" from the current edition of the Economist which states:

"...that people of both sexes reckon the sexual competition they face is stronger than it really is."

Take that you immobile mannequin!

Weekend Food. Windsor Pub & Tai Tai.

2006-12-10T16:44:00.000+05:30

Saturday night saw us at Windsor Pub (Click for previous review) after previewing the Srishti installations that were being constructed/finished at the Alliance Françaises . Our usual meal of Masala Fried Prawns (great, as always.), Chilli Cheese Toast (jumpin' jimney! These have some bite.), Masala Peanuts (meh!), Masala Pork Sausage (Spicy but a tad over cooked and consequently, mushy.) Chicken Stew and Prawn Curry with Appams/Sannas (I actually think it's the best in Bangalore but feel free to disagree in the comments...) but unfortunately no Tosca Cake to round out the meal.

[I'm trying this new format for the pictures. Please click on them for a larger view. And let me know if you prefer this format or the individual picture format]

Given the "must-visit" status that Tai Tai has garnered, I decided to lunch there on Sunday. After some confusion (they only have a buffet with an optional barbecue on Sunday, I wanted a la carte and they very graciously cooked me an a la carte lunch.) and much hunting for parking we were seated on the terrace but chose to move downstairs as the kitchen vents hot air close to there. The buffet seemed interesting, the first picture, but we ordered from their menu, which while limited is filled with endless possibility.

We started with a cured beef and rice paper rolls with roast duck, the former being outstandingly good while the latter suffered solely on account of the paper being far thicker than ideal. The main courses were a Burmese Lamb Stew served with Noodles and the usual accompaniments, a Grilled Beef with a Soya Sabayon and Steamed Sea Bass with Basil and Mango Relish. The entrees were, and I'm being repetitive, fabulous. Balance, flavour, colour; plated Asian food works at this restaurant. And how!

Dessert was far less exciting than the rest of the meal but still very good on its own merits. A Peach Cobbler with Kiwi Coulis and a Chocolate Almond Mud Pie.

I'd say go, go as soon as you can and as often as you can simply because, and I hope I'm wrong, it would be hard work to hold this level of quality for long. But for now, it's probably one of the best restaurants in Bangalore.

VAT. And Tipping.

2006-12-09T16:53:00.000+05:30

I've been eating out a fair bit over the last couple of weeks and have started to notice something most incongruous, and ingenious, on bills that I've been presented at dining establishment across Bangalore.

But first, when I say VAT what number do you think of? 4%? 12.5%? Chances are, it'll be one of the two as it's the two most familiar numbers we have come to associate with the VAT charged in our fair Bangalore.

Now, think back to your last meal and recollect what the VAT component was. Did they charge you 4% VAT? Or 12.5 VAT? Or did they sneakily charge you a 12.5% "Service Charge"? The trouble is, if we see 12.5 on the bill and it's vaguely associated with the words Service or Tax or VAT or Charge we, subconsciously, write it off as a tax.

Today, after lunching at Tangerine, the bill showed a Service Charge of 12.5% and when I inquired, they stated that it was 4% VAT and and an 8.5% Service Charge. How bloody convenient. And now I'm left wondering how many restaurants pull this stunt with patrons being none the wiser.

And while on the subject of tipping, isn't it pathetic how badly Indians tip? There aren't too many people I know who decide the tip amount based on the bill value but rather on some perceived notions of charity and personal vanity. Leave 10%, at minimum and up to a maximum of 20%, if you're happy with the service calculated on the pre-tax amount.

Leave a comment. Let me know.

Update: MadMan points me to an old post of his where he states:

I also would like to mention that 80% of guests are unbelievably lousy tippers. The other 20% are the saving grace. When I see a Rs. 19 tip for a bill of Rs. 1581, I feel sad, even though I don't keep a cent for myself. Please be nice... tip in the region of 10% if the service was good. You will be remembered. Keep a cap of Rs. 200 if you want so you don't need to leave Rs. 500 for a bill of Rs. 5000.

Penis Envy

2006-12-09T16:23:00.000+05:30

Much noise, and righteous indignation, has been made about the apparent, ummm, inadequacy of the Indian Male.

All I can say is:

via the delightful XKCD

Imperial or Empire?

2006-12-08T12:56:00.000+05:30

Given the long running Bangalore feud over which place has better chicken kebabs, Imperial or Empire and given that Dilettante and I can't agree on this, I'm leaving the final say in the matter up to you, dear blog readers.

If you vote for "Somewhere Else", please leave us a comment and let us know where.

Maya

2006-12-08T09:38:00.000+05:30

A friend being in town is always reason to celebrate. (Well, if not to celebrate then to inebriate, what? Gah, that sounded far more erudite when I thought it up. I apologize.) And having just read about Tai Tai I decided that we'd drop in at the bar below, Maya, and then head on up to dinner. But fate and insistent friends decided otherwise.

It's a funny feeling to exit the lift on the 3rd floor of the Bombay Store only to be accosted by wait-staff from Tiger Bay, which has given up half their floor space to Maya if not more (and that's a good thing. The only thing they've ever offered me was a bout of serious gastric distress.), asking and then pleading with you to dine at their now-emasculated-dining-establishment. It's easy enough to refuse and I headed to Maya.

At Maya, we had a few drinks, my Caipiroska was good, the Mojito wasn't a patch on the one I have at Shiok and the fruit flavoured Margaritas were a tad too sweet. Their snacks menu is small, both in size and content, and it matches the size of the portions which are minuscule. Then again, the prices are most reasonable. The food was good and much enjoyment was had by all.

As for dinner, by popular vote, we landed up at Imperial. I can't say that I was disappointed. Oh, and the highlight of the evening was when two dining companions, both Empire fans, exclaimed, with much delight, that the kebabs were far superior and that they wouldn't be going back to Empire any time soon. Score one for the home team!

Does anyone know what was happening on Brigade Road? A demolition? A renovation?

And if you've ever had the good fortune of reading "On Food and Cooking" by Harold McGee then you'll be happy to know that he has a blog (News For Curious Cooks) of his own. Do read it, you're assured of learning something

Bangalore. Food. Drink. Review.

2006-12-06T13:35:00.000+05:30

Some links for you compulsive eater-outers:

Bangalore Belly

"Bangalore Belly is a blog about eating out in Bangalore. I am not an expert foodie but I love eating out and am always looking out for exciting restaurants in Bangalore. If you want some tips on what to do for lunch, dinner or dessert, read on! And don’t forget to tell me about your favourite places in Bangalore to eat and drink."

Bangalore Burrp!

"Burrp! is a fun and easy way to check out and share reviews and recommendations about establishments in your city and your neighborhood" started when "...five buddies traveled to Mumbai one December, they found it very difficult to just find the right places to go to. Hotel concierges were of some help, but they were probably getting kickbacks to drop certain establishment names. Professional journalists and reviewers had nothing in common with us. What did the people of Mumbai actually think? Walking around asking people wasn’t the best way to get those answers. We all thought, this city really needs…Burrp!"

Sig Food, India

Sig Food, Bangalore

Sig Food @ Ryze

"SIGFood stands for Special Interest Group in Food. What that means is pretty obvious. The idea is very simple - explore a new good food joint as often as possible. Sometimes budget is a concern, sometimes we just let go."

There's always Tulleeho for bar reviews across India (and the world!), even if the ones for Bangalore could do with some updating.

And in other good news, Anonymous Foodie is back, after many many months, with his take on Kaati Zone.

Update: If you're looking to order food from restaurants that don't offer home delivery or you'd like to book a table at a restaurant and don't have the number or you'd like to see the menu from a dining establishment, I'd suggest you head on over to Hungry Bangalore. I've never used it and hence can't comment on it. They also have a blog chronicling their story.

Taj Mahal

2006-12-06T11:13:00.000+05:30

I've never visited the Taj Mahal and wanted to on my trip to Delhi but it didn't come to pass. Provo informs me that it's a nominee for a place in the New Seven Wonders of the World and it'd be nice to see it acknowledged for what it is, a wondrous testament to human expression and ability, the downsides notwithstanding.

Voting on the site isn't easy and requires registration . So follow this link, sign up and vote. An alternative, and easier, way to vote is to send an SMS with "TAJ" to 6767 and it'll cost you a maximum of three rupees. (within India only. For other countries check here.)

Oh, and vote even if you believe it was a temple and called Tejo Mahalaya as Mr. PN Oaks believes. The name has hint of Caucasian credibility, does it not? Till you realize that PN stands for Purushottam Nagesh and that he's previously claimed the Vatican, the Pyramids and the Stonehenge as Hindu constructions.

So yes, vote. By the internets or by the phone. But vote.

Kerala

2006-12-04T11:22:00.000+05:30

I had to make a quick trip to Kerala for an aunt's 50th birthday and while there, I visited both of my ancestral homes. They've recently been spruced up by the family and are looking fabulous, if a wee bit inauthentic. Some of the houses are quite outstanding, they are an all-wood construction, with even the hinges, locks and rafters being made out of wood. They're both located on the backwaters and till recently, the only way there was by boat, or a kettu vallam. On the boat ride, saw a brace of ducks and paddy fields that are five feet below the level of the river. Roads have arrived, so has civilization and all that's attendant.

A few pictures from the trip, please click on them to view them full size, and two videos that will appeal to the power hungry, male readers.

A long-ish video of my boat ride from the Kottayam Sailing Club to the Mankotta House. Dang, it was fast, at 60 MPH!

And this was the 200BHP, V6 monster driving us along. Apparently, it gives close to 5 MPG! Power! Power!

Le Rock Cafe

2006-12-04T10:45:00.000+05:30

It's been a while since we've had a guest reviewer. MadMan paid a visit to Le Rock Cafe and reports in with this review:

-x-o-x-

Landed up at this place at 10:20 last night.

(Why? Well, a couple of my friends said they'd buy me birthday drinks at Geoffrey's last night. Was there from 8:30 to 9:40. Got serious sticker shock - Rs. 450 for Long Island Iced Tea - and watered down cocktails, and then my friends dropped a "we have to work tomorrow so we have to leave now" bomb. So had to quickly phone around to see who was available. Only one dude, who happened to be at Le Rock.)

Right, so drove to Le Rock and met my friend. Decided to go upstairs and have a drink or two. Ordered a Black Russian and later a Banana Martini. Both arrived in 90 ml liqueur martini-shaped glasses, which was odd. (In other words, not a lot of booze in there.) Cost was about Rs. 250 each.

For starters, ordered a "seafood basket" for Rs. 200, and while the prawns had a bit too much batter, the dish as a whole was surprisingly good. It came with a lot of fries and potato wedges too, which my vegetarian friend happily ate. Everything was well-seasoned and not greasy, which made me happy. The waiter seemed awfully keen to push the "tandoor" items on us, so I'm guessing it didn't sell too well that day.

Alas, at 10:40, the waiter bloke came and told us "last order", which surprised both of us (but I know the cop action in that area is harsh, which probably explains it.)

I wanted to order some main course, and was told that much of the main course section was unavailable, and once again was persuaded to try the "tandoor" dishes, and he finally recommended the "grill chicken", which turned out to be a chicken tikka redesigned. Except that it was hideous. I could taste little except for raw chilli.

The lights came on at 11 PM and 10 minutes after that, everyone was rushed to finish up. Our waiter even told us that he'd pack my friend's beer in a takeaway container if he wanted (there was half a bottle left.)

The place had emptied out at 11:25 PM.

Total cost - Rs. 1211 - for:

3 Beers
2 Mini-cocktails
1 Mixed seafood basket
1 Chicken tikka aka grilled chicken

(There is a 5% service charge added to bills.)

I like the big plasma screens and the sound quality is definitely good, though the music was a tad too loud (personal bias disclosure: I'm not a fan of loud music.)

And hey, I didn't have to shell out Rs. 325 per chicken dish like at Geoffrey's. (3 drinks and 3 starters there were about Rs. 2200.)

Neemrana

2006-12-04T08:53:00.000+05:30

While in Delhi last week, I made a quick trip to the Neemrana Fort Palace to attend Alu's wedding. It's some place. It really is.

As a wedding location it is stunning. However, it does have one drawback. Nine levels of steps that can be treacherous when you've imbibed more than your fair share. And when it's dark, it's downright scary. The food was simple, but very good. The views National Geographic-esque and even more pretty at night. They put on a wonderful fireworks display and the place was decorated with flowers of every hue. It was wonderful.

Go! Go! eM, do you hear me?

Old Delhi. And New.

2006-12-03T22:55:00.000+05:30

Following Chamique's take, I did a few touristy things in Delhi. Like riding the Metro and gawking like wide eyed villagers at the progress our Capital has made, breathing fresh, relatively unpolluted air that CNG has wrought and marveling at the history within the city. The sound and light show at the Red Fort was worth every paise of the fifty rupees we paid. It's amazing how they've crammed Metro stations into places like Chandni Chowk and Chawri Bazaar.

Lastly, never forget:

The Habba...

2006-12-01T13:54:00.000+05:30

...is back. And you can get your passes at these locations.

It's a pity we no longer associate the word habba with Vasantahabba, but Bengalooru Habba (Other than Dasara-habba, Gowri-Ganesha habba, Christmas-habba, etc., of course).

Anyway, it seems like there are no "mega-events" at Palace Grounds which, invariably, had one show choreographed by Prasad Bidappa, who, I guess is busy dropping names to get various family members away from the long arm of the law. But, the mega-events did have some pretty cool performers - everyone from Pt. Shivkmar Sharma and Ustad Amjad Ali Khan to Strings and Indian Ocean. Good stuff, that.

What we do have this year are, a lot of smaller events at Ravindra Kalakshetra and Chowdiah Memorial Hall, rather a lot more attention is being paid to these venues. The Food Festival should be investigated, though. Last year the food festival (which got it's footfalls from the mega-events) was jolada-roti types jostling with the Sagar-types.

No news of the Artistes' Walkway, which was amongst the coolest things about that week.

Will keep you posted on anything that might happen.

Food In Delhi.

2006-11-29T10:55:00.000+05:30

I spent some time in Delhi last week and the inescapable conclusion is that the food there is far more varied than that in Bangalore. It's also far better and far more expensive but then I'm not so concerned with the latter. Over the course of a week, I tried Alkauser, Laidbackwaters, Azzuro, Swagat and Flavours. They were all outstanding bar one.

Alkauser

The kebabs were bloody marvelous. The house specialties were Galouti and Kakori kebabs, both of which were out-fucking-standing. Melt in the mouth, enough fat to make your arteries harden with fright, and they were served with a superb parataha, the name of which eludes me. We also ordered some Dal (kinda boring, but it was okay. Not good.), paneer tikka (very, very good. The Northies know their paneer.) and some surprisingly excellent fish tikka which we had to bribe them to obtain as it was the last plate. The biryani, Lucknowi, was startlingly boring. And wet. And the meal only cost us 200 bucks a head. Paisa vasool wonly.

Laidback Waters

Went here the night we got in. Uber-kewl joint it is at the Qutub. Like a lounge bar crossed with a harem. Managed to get the nicest seats, nay beds in the house. Their drinks a pifflingly weak but the food more than makes up for it. We tried some chicken tartlets (inventive but weak on execution.), saffron prawns (fresh but too much saffron.), fish finger-lets (gut. zehr gut.) and a gigantanormous bread basket with the pick being the rasin-nut bread. Main course was a Goan fish curry with rice which made us sing but it lacked in texture, as if they had run the sauce through a blender. Others had lamb with polenta, chingri malai curry and a baked potato and vegetable thingy that was good but preferable as a side to a roast leg of lamb. Dessert was superb with the wine and chocolate cake being the pick. Expensive? You bet. 12K for the five of us.

Azzuro

Small little Eye-Talian place in Saket. But this belies the price (gah! Horrendous!). Food was acceptable. Not outstanding. Fish fingers, bruschetta, red snapper in leek and cream sauce, sole with lemon butter , Caesar's salad and a very very good take on the ubiquitous chocolate fondant. But don't go there. Horrendous service. You're likely to gray waiting for your food. Seriously. I'd much prefer Sunny's or Herbs and Spice.

Swagat

Very nice place where a Southie like me feels at home, with waiters shouting in Kannada. Food is much like Anupam's and as good too. Which is something because the nearest water body is the Jamuna. Very fresh kane rawa fry and prawns koliwada to start with and the main course consisted of prawns, Manglorean and Chettinad, and some ghee roast chicken. A most excellent meal it was and most reasonable priced too.

Flavours

We had a good salad and some wonderful wood fired pizza here. I'm told the pricing is reasonable by Delhi standards but would be expensive by our Southern standards. Food is pretty good, desserts are nice but the service is a bit stuck up.

Other than these, we did the chaat routine at Chadni Chowk (dang, I'd eat chaat if they could make it like that in Bangalore.), hot chocolate fudge at Nirula's (sucks donkey's balls. You don't know HCF till you've been to Corner House.), lots of wedding food (some simple, some extravagant but all of it brilliant.), McD's (which does take away and only then do you realize how ghastly it can be.), house part food (Penne alla Vodka, and a cold macaroni salad and some eggs and some meat.) and a few more meals on the run. Oh, and Momos at Dilli Haat. Not bad, I expected better and have been told Chanakyapuri is where it's at.

Mostly, I was very impressed with the food and the city. But more on the city later. The only pity was that I wasn't able to visit TC's which was just around the corner.

Oh, did I mention that I was shacked up with the Recluse? Thanks dawg.

Riding in cars with girls

2006-11-28T09:39:00.000+05:30

(with apologies to Beverly D'Onofrio).

Conversations with Corporate Whore and Mr. D quite often are decontructionist (yes, it's a word now) in a blog-worthy kinda way. This is a good example of what can happen in one of those conversations. When Mohayana comes in for his quarterly visit from the Meritocratic Republic of Temasek and these blog-worthy coversations become better. Or worse. Depending on your point of view.

This post is about hot girls in cars, generalised for the urban Indian situation. (Typing in 'hot girls' ought to bring in some unsuspecting googlers. *evil laugh*).

Genus I. Girl driving a car.
Several things work for this particular species. Driving a big (expensive) car would mean a certain amount of money already having being spent from teenage years on the right hair- and skin-care products causing the basic looks (perfectly straightened/permed/natural hair and clear skin) to be taken care of. Paid for by Daddy, of course.

Girl driving a small car started off as a nervous driver, driving all her scared friends when she just got her licence to honk. She'd still probably be a nervous driver (let's face it, they're all bad drivers), except a seedy-guy watching would want to say "Come here bebee, I will protect you" and flashes a sidey grin. Me? I would just think it, not say it.

If either species of this genus would have anything going for them, it is the poise. At a traffic signal, this girl is obviously stared at and she knows it. It adds to self-esteem and all that. Poise = hotness. Hotness = confidence. And so it goes.
By the time the small car girl draws on years of being stared at and drawing confidence, she'd become an aunty-type and is, hence, excluded from the purview of this blogpost.

Genus II. Girl riding shotgun.
Now, this is difficult to classify into various species. You'd want to classify her into this genus only if she isn't being driven by an old man (anything over the age of 32, after which you'll be heading into into Genus III or into sugar daddy territory). Something tells me at the age of 32, I'll still be playing the game and my stories will be like Horsey's, only not as funny. Actually, my stories are already like his anyway. hmmm.

A dressed-up girl is probably on a date - you'd have to read their body language to make further assessments. You think they've been seeing each other long? Is it a nervous first date? Are they just hanging out? Is she his sister? You, Dear Reader are discerning enough to make this assessment. Go on, I know you do. Even better, you play games with your own shotgun girl (or driver boy) making fun of that other couple making imaginary conversation for them in your own car. You don't? It's great fun, you must try it sometime.

Genus III. Girl in the back seat driven by her parents.
When this girl was a child, she'd entertain her parents by saying "Red bus" and "Embassadoor" and "Utility Building" when they were outside her window. These days, she'd be SMSing her friends who are out for a movie/clubbing and thinking to herself "Leather jacket on a Bullet, nice!" or surreptitiously checking out another dude crossing at the traffic signal.

Jammaster Jakkur (no link) has a theory, in a primeval kinda way, about girls on bikes. It's a pretty good theory but let's leave that aside for another day. Likewise with girls using public transport. Sometime soon.

Heart Attack

2006-11-19T09:23:00.000+05:30

So Munnabhai spent a few months in Gujarat, working at IIM and trekking across the countryside. He said the food was vegetarian and rich. I had no idea how rich food could be till I saw a video he shot. It's called a butter vada pav. And I just had to show you didn't I! Here's that video:

And I felt my heart quiver just looking at it.

Horn. OK. Please

2006-11-18T00:16:00.000+05:30

How many times does this signboard:
...figure in this video:

Bonus points for guessing the location. Aleph, Chamique and Dilettante are excused from the game.

Empathy

2006-11-17T16:13:00.000+05:30

"Am I going to have a problem with you, Bond?", Vesper Lynd says.

"No, dont worry. You're not my type."

"Smart?"

"Single."

from Casino Royale.

Update: That was rightly phrased after the lines from IMDB was brought to my notice.

McDowells Single Malt.

2006-11-17T16:01:00.000+05:30

"But my best story is how I got my bottle of 'McDowell's', a single malt from Goa, India. Things were set in motion by an e-mail I sent to United Breweries, the company who owns the Goa distillery, asking where in the UK I could buy a bottle of their single malt. I didn't really expect to hear anything back, but e-mails are cheap, so nothing to lose. I had almost forgotten about the e-mail when, more than a month later, I suddenly received a fax from Vijay Rekhi, the president of UB... "

Read the rest here. It's quite the story. Some customer service that.

Life at the factory

2006-11-17T12:40:00.000+05:30

"Emergency siren!", says Paul (I don't know his real name yet, so let's call him Paul) rather loudly

A few people (i.e., me) look blankly at him and lots of others get up from their desks and start walking towards The Balcony With The Fire Escape. Lots of people assemble downstairs in the large space between the office building and the shop floors. Rube asks if we can smell burning rubber and I'm wondering how bad the fire is. Everone stands in lines department-wise and I find myself in the HR line (since I've been using a former HR guy's computer until my laptop is given to me).

Some 10 minutes of counting heads (and after using up 1608 x 10 man-minutes) later, we all head back to work happily, like school kids excited having missed a period.

My first ever fire drill. *clap clap*
Good fun it was!

On Bangalore. Or Bengalooru. Or Bengaluru.

2006-11-16T14:17:00.000+05:30

There has been quite the furore in the Desi blogging world with reference to the proposed name change for Bangalore. Or rather, the-name-change-that-has-been-announced-but-requires- legal-sanction-to-ratify-it. Assuming our moribund government lasts that long.

Sandeep calls this "...the first of many braindead schemes to ensure that it’s all downhill from here" and that "...decolonizing and all sound good only if it were not used as substitutes for policy."

Indian Inheritance asks "...what the fuck is wrong with the name Bangalore?"

Nitin Pai decries this as "...not an isolated act of etymological terrorism by the H D Kumaraswamy government in Karnataka."

And the venerable Economist pipes in and strikes an opposing note:

"...Following the examples of Bombay, Madras and Calcutta, Bangalore has rebranded itself, taking the local name for “city of cooked beans”... Will it catch on? Yes, in the end it probably will, just as Mumbai, Chennai and Kolkata are slowly taking hold. Sign-writers and printers will be glad of the new business, politicians will claim a blow against British cultural enslavement and a victory for authenticity (though that story about the old woman and the king may be tosh), but many others will give a weary sigh. So many places change their names, and so often. They have every right to do so, of course, and it seems discourteous not to use their new names if they expressly ask you to."

And they sign off saying, "Dear Name-Changer, feel free to adopt any moniker you fancy, but do not hector others if they jib. A city of beans by any other name will smell as sweet, or beany."

Where do I stand? I can live with name change, even if I think that it is pretty stupid to murder a well known brand. What I detest is the fact that this linguistic chauvinism is being used to cover a litany of sins. Of the father and the son.

No Tears

2006-11-15T15:23:00.000+05:30

I can't say that I'm sorry to see them shut shop.

Not once did I have a good meal, much less a single good biryani, there but then I speak only for myself.

Others seem to have mixed reviews of the place.

Previously, here and here.

Meet-Up

2006-11-15T13:30:00.000+05:30

And drink up!

MadMan called a few of us over (Amit, Deepak, Lahar, Prabhu and Suman) to witness the cocktail wizardry of the chaps from Monin. MadMan tried his best to destroy a blender (I'm hoping that Prabhu posts that picture!), but it proved to be resistant to his charms. Dinner, as usual, was outstanding.

A few pictures below...

My Credit

2006-11-15T10:12:00.000+05:30

I was taking a close look at my latest credit card statement from Citibank and it had a most curious clause:

"The Credit Information Bureau India Ltd. (CIBIL), is an initiative of the Government of India and the Reserve Bank of India (RBI) to improve the functionality and stability of the Indian financial system. This is in line with their efforts to provide an effective mechanism for exchange of information between banks and financial institutions, thereby enabling customers to avail of better credit terms from various institutions. All banks and financial institutions participating in this initiative are required to share customer data with CIBIL. In view of the above, we wish to inform you that we shall now be reporting the data pertaining to your account with us (including Additional Card on your account) to CIBIL. This data will be updated on a regular basis for all our customers. We thank you for your continuing support and co-operation in this matter."

I understand the reason that a Credit Rating Agencies exist, ostensibly to assess the Credit Score for both induviduals and corporations which it turn is used to determine applicable interest rates based on a risk based pricing giving due weightage to expected costs of the borrower. That's hardly what I have a problem with.

What I want to know is under what specific RBI Notification or Guideline this is being done as I feel it amounts to an invasion of my financial history and privacy. Further, there seems to be no method for me to "opt-out" of such a reporting mechanism. Neither have I chosen to "opt-in" to such third-party disclosures.

I am also curious as to what information, or data as so mentioned, they will disclose to CBIL and what the terms of such disclosure are with the rights and liabilities of Citibank NA and CBIL. As it is my financial data, I maintain a right to know as such. Lastly, I am worried as to the safety issues related to a common pool of such sensitive financial information being held at one location. How can they assure me as to the veracity of the safety mechanisms in place and how will they indemnify me against any losses that might arise from an unauthorized leak or disclosure of the "reported" data to CBIL?

In the United States, such disclosures to and the functioning of Credit Rating Agencies are regulated by the Fair Credit Reporting Act which lays down obligations such as "providing a consumer with information about him or her in the agency's files and to take steps to verify the accuracy of information disputed by a consumer. Companies that provide information to consumer reporting agencies also have specific legal obligations, including the duty to investigate disputed information. Also, users of the information for credit, insurance, or employment purposes must notify the consumer when an adverse action is taken on the basis of such reports. Further, users must identify the company that provided the report, so that the accuracy and completeness of the report may be verified or contested by the consumer. It has been recently amended to guard against Identity Theft" (from Wikipedia) Do similar obligations exist as regards CBIL?

On to CBIL. From their website, one gathers that the shareholders are primarily banks that operate in India, Dun & Bradstreet and Trans Union International, who are one of the largest Credit Rating Agencies in the United States. Their current shareholding pattern is as shown below:

Right, so we've established that this is a closed eco-system of banks that essentially share financial information related to the credit-worthiness of their customers. Whether the customers agree or not. How well do they protect our data ought to be the next pertinent question. The answer is not very comforting. Among other common sense measures (access control and anti-virus software) they employ:

128-bit SSL encryption for all Web-based transactions including FTP.
Cryptographic solutions for all information sent or received through any physical media i.e. CD, DAT and DLT.

Comforting? I'll leave that to the crypto expert who reads this blog. Apart from the fact that such agencies are apparently very easy to lie to. Lastly, there seems to be no privacy policy posted on their website.

Citibank in their reply to me state, most pithily, that "...CIBIL is an initiative driven based on RBI's guidelines and all banks are required to share their customer information with them... the details shared would be the credit limit assignment and the payment pattern of a customer and the information will not be of transactionary details. We are not aware of the email address of CIBIL to be shared with public."

All in all, not a very happy situation.

A temporary halt to the Jobless 55 / Slightly schizoid

2006-11-13T16:19:00.000+05:30

“You’ve been unemployed for 5 months?”

“Erm, yeah.”

“What on earth have you been doing so long, you jobless mofo?”

“A little bit of volunteer work at Dream A Dream and a lot of chillin’ at home”

“Don’t get bored ‘chillin’ at home’ by yourself?”

“I am somewhat interesting to hang out with, you know.”

Flour and A Filling

2006-11-13T10:54:00.000+05:30

In a verdict that has far reaching consequences for Mexican food lovers, a judge in Massachusetts has ruled that:

"A sandwich is not commonly understood to include burritos, tacos and quesadillas, which are typically made with a single tortilla and stuffed with a choice filling of meat, rice, and beans..."

Rejoice, rejoice for a sandwich bar is saved and the burrito fights another battle.

To The Field...

2006-11-10T18:30:00.000+05:30

I visited the farms today. And they were green. Green, bountiful, soothing, earthy, beautiful and calming.

Even if I did meet a man with a gun. And he smiled at me.

And wells that were dry so long that Guava trees had taken root and borne fruit. But they tasted so sweet.

Bonus points if you can identify the crops depicted in the first three pictures. I'll even make it worth your while, say a cup of coffee and a slice of cake.

Previously, Kolar District.

Zen. 2.75/5.00

2006-11-03T11:29:00.000+05:30

Went to Zen with MadMan and a couple of his friends for their seafood buffet last night.

If you want to stop reading here, then here's my take: Don't go. Not for the food, not for the ambiance and certainly not for the value for money proposition. Worthy and far superior alternatives are, T'chi for Chinese, Harima for Japanese and Shiok for Thai.

Their insipid and uninspiring salad bar was a motley collection of soggy vegetables in the same bloody dressing. The beef salad was good, insofar as the beef was good, but they overdid the celery. Everything else was best left alone.

The sushi and sashimi bar was, well at best it was bright. A boring selection of fish of which the best that could be said that it was fresh. Ish. The ubiquitous tuna (no toro), salmon, octopus , mackerel (which was better than I imagined it would be) and some very good jellyfish. But there was no chef in attendance nor were there any name-tags to identify the food. Shoddy service really. I don't really like sushi, tried some, wasn't bad. But certainly not good.

The trouble with buffets is this. Heat lamps and induction stoves. They keep things warm but food also ends up over cooked, dry and pretty damn unappetizing. Their main course options were an unimaginative rice/noodle/beef in oyster sauce (again, good beef mediocre sauce)/chicken with cashew (ooh! Indian Chinese)/stir fried veggies (that collapsed into goo)/prawn green curry (hideous)/fish in sweet soy sauce (Yaaay! So exciting!) and crab in black pepper (taken out of the shell. No fun.)

They had this counter where you could choose your raw fish and it would be grilled and served, the only choices being "Spicy, sir or medium-spicey?". They had pomfret, red snapper, lady fish, tiger prawn, lobster, salmon, scampi and a few other local varieties. Safe to say it was middlingly ordinary. Piddlingly so.

They also had a few satay starters. Pity they all tasted the same, burnt to a bloody crisp.

Dessert encompassed the usual suspects. The fresh fruit was the best option along with a Chocolate Mille Feuille. The chocolate fountain had, what could be best described as, Amul chocolate in it.

This is no gustatory pleasure. The focus is not on the food, quality or appearance. It's more an experiment in excesses. I 'll give it a pass in future and would recommend you do the same.

MadMan adds:

Well... I ate a lot, but overall, a bit of a "meh" feeling. I might have paid Rs. 1000 + tax on it, but 1750 is too much for *that*.

In order of eating:

Satays: Burnt meat, no unique flavour. Total let-down. They need to hire better chefs for this.
Dim Sum: very nice, fresh. That's why I ate the entire first batch. ;)
Tempura: Too much batter on the teeny-weeny prawns. Made it a lighter version of some Chungs-style batter-fried prawns. Larger prawns would have made them tastier. (But I've never thought that much of tempura anyway.)
Sushi: Darn, I ate a lot of that, didn't I? Dunno why. I was drawn heavily to the soft-shell crab roll. Anyway, I liked a good chunk of it. That definitely was the surprise of the evening.
Salads: the beef and the mixed seafood salad is all I had, both of which were good, apart from the celery.
Grilled Seafood: One of my lobsters was ok, the other was mush. Scampi was tasty. Prawn (too small) was so-so. Fish barely registered on the tongue.
Hot food: Green curry, fried rice, etc. - not at all what I expected. Not worth mentioning.
Desserts: *loud yaaaaawn* Fake mango dessert, fresh fruit, and lychee in coriander syrup? Plus that un-chocolately chocolate fountain. Except for the millefeuille, nothing worth writing about.

Jobless Pictures.

2006-11-03T11:14:00.000+05:30

Saw this (over Ulsoor Lake) on Rajyotsava Day. They were headed to Chinnaswamy Stadium to drop flowers on the "waiting dignitaries". Oh for a bomb instead!

In other news, Nilgiris have finally entered the 21st Century. Even if a little late.

Oktober Fest, Bangalore

2006-11-01T13:38:00.000+05:30

So last night we hit Oktober Fest at the Taj Residency courtesy our local MLC. Bloody good fun, as the pictures and videos will attest too. Big Germanic mugs of beer, sausages of every size and variety, meatloaf, chicken, potato and sauerkraut.

The only downside was that the one fight, as is wont, involved two drunk dudes from Ulsoor. I highly recommend you visit next year. If the powers that be in Bengaluru decide to allow it. Speaking of which, I think it was highly appropriate that it poured from 5PM to 6PM, thus putting paid to any chance of self-aggrandizing bullshit that was planned at Chinnaswamy Stadium. Was there a riot afterwards? Possibly...

How Not To Rebrand.

2006-10-30T21:20:00.000+05:30

So it would seem that we're about to un-brand our once beloved, now despised, city. Brilliant move, what? So much so that they're touting the old name on posters. More appropriately, brand Bangalore was the best.

Some how, Bengaluru IT.in doesn't quite cut it. And what's with the "Bengal" in the name? Stupid white peoples are bound to think we're an offshoot of the Red Brigade. Hello? We're two thousand kilometers to the South. Idjuts. But then again, we can always "Swalpa adjust maadi".

I must also congratulate Adithya Gadwale, among others, who has successfully staked his claim to a pound of flesh by squatting on bengaluruit.com. Yes, it sound disgusting. And yes, he's a Cottonian.

Advertising gurus and marketing mavens who read this blog (yes, both of you!) please be telling what you be thinking...

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2006-10-30T19:22:00.000+05:30

A little bizarre, what?

From here.

More Money Than Taste

2006-10-27T10:20:00.000+05:30

Apparently Nikhil Gowda, son of our beloved Chief Minister, HD Kumaraswamy and grandson of our dear leader and son of the soil, HD Deve Gowda, ransacked Empire on Church Street yesterday.

His father's take? ""Bidri, makkal maadidhare... "(Just forget it, children have done.)

The ToI takes great pains to inform us that he "swerves around in the choicest of cars — Lancer, Nissan Sports, Lexus and a BMW 7-series" and a Hummer.

Money can't buy you taste. Else he'd have gone to Imperial to satisfy his munchies...

SLK 55 AMG

2006-10-22T11:05:00.000+05:30

He is one of my oldest friends and this was one of his most fervent dreams.

It finally came true.

Fucking-A-Awesome dude! Hang on, we're coming!

Happy Dee-Wolly!

2006-10-20T18:43:00.000+05:30

A very happy Diwali to all of you.

Play safe and play sober.

Quickie

2006-10-20T14:56:00.000+05:30

Jokes aren't normally done on this blog, but I couldn't resist...

How many choms does it take to change a light-bulb?

Five - one to change the bulb and four to play antakshari.

Five and Five.

2006-10-13T14:07:00.000+05:30

Does your job suck? I awaken clients every morning, at 6am, and conduct conversations with them. Some of them are most demanding…

Today my manager said that I was not sufficiently lucid or awake, incompetent, could not make intelligible conversation and was flippant.

What do they expect at 6am, a critique of Nietzsche and Nihilism?

~x~o~o~x

It's been a while...

Darshini-style fractions

2006-10-12T14:04:00.000+05:30

This was done a few weeks ago with Abu and Garu Blade! (sic, exclamation is part of spelling and isn't punctuation), when we decided one for the road would be a tad bit much.

"Rajkumar, two by three tequila togon-baa."

Post Secret

2006-10-12T11:13:00.000+05:30

I'm not sure how many of you read Postsecret but if you do, you may find it extremely frustrating, like I do, that you can only see the current weeks posts and there is no way of accessing the archives.

However, if you use Google Reader and you subscribe to the Atom feed, and not the Feedburner one, you can see all of the archives. Or as far down as you're willing to scroll.

Most useful really.

I Need A Super Hero Lover...

2006-10-10T10:45:00.000+05:30

If you've been wondering why there was no 55-word linkfest this Friday, wonder no more. It's all because of Wonder Woman you see...

On Friday, the GirlFriend retrieved her stolen wallet from a crowded bus.

After getting down and realising that her bag was gaping wide open and flapping about near her bum.
After getting into an auto and saying in true Bollywood action hero style 'Uss Bus Ka Peechha KaroooOo!'
After getting the auto to stop in front of the bus.
After screaming to the crowd in English Hindi and Kannada "Take the money, but you don't know how difficult it is to get all those ID cards. I'm going to have to file an FIR because my driver's license is in there and then you'll definitely be caught when I go to the police station!"
After the conductor said "Aitha madam?" after her long passionate speech about debit cards and drivers licenses and being violated early in the morning.
After he looked at the driver and slapped his forehead and said to the people "Aiyo, whoever's taken this girl's purse, just give it back otherwise we can't move with the auto in front like this."
After sitting patiently on the engine of the bus, waiting for her wallet to be handed to her.

She’s been feeling most super-heroine-ish ever since!

But it doesn’t end there, she shared this story with friends and Gamesmaster G9 returned with four costume options...

"First, we have the classic - backless, strapless swimsuit, cut high on the thigh, with metallic breastplate. No?"

"Let’s try the next one - white unitard with low slung belt and a large circle cut out of it so that your entire cleavage is visible. Still no?"

"Well, here's one you would love. Very short top and tiny handkerchief masquerading as a skirt. Perfect if job involves flying. You don't like it?"

"Ah well, this one might be for you. Full body armour, with mask and hair tied in neat ponytail. Metal gauntlets and a staff for protection. The cigarette is not included. Perfect, methinks. You are now MANHUNTER!"

I'm rooting for Option No. 4

Armageddon

2006-10-09T14:51:00.000+05:30

Read this in the morning.

And saw these here.

'tis a brave new world...

And for more morbidity, try this and this.

Evening Entertainment.

2006-10-09T12:23:00.000+05:30

It's back!

Best news I've heard today...

You like?

Jobless Pics

2006-10-06T11:55:00.000+05:30

Seen at the Drunch-ed place.

The Style award.

New Virus?

2006-10-06T11:16:00.000+05:30

Saw these on our class mailing list today. Presumably it's some new kind of embarrassment virus.

Hee!

Update:

And it gets murkier!

Play-Yah

2006-09-30T14:53:00.000+05:30

So the girl I'm dating tells me that her father thinks I'm a playboy. As stunned as I was, and a little bit flattered, I had to ask why he thought so. The answer, my dear readers, shocked me. My suave manners, dashing attire and erudite speech were not reason enough to label me a playboy.

It was my "flashy car" that did the trick.

And the car in question is this:

A seven year old, now discontinued, diesel burning Ford Escort that has done over a hundred thousand kilometers. I'd attribute this solely to the loving care (and thousands of rupees) that I've spent at Cauvery Ford.

And the girlfriend adds that the previous boyfriend was bertated because he didn't have a car and hence was not certified to transport precious cargo.

Parents! There's no pleasing 'em!

Style

2006-09-27T13:45:00.000+05:30

If you had to choose "The Most Stylish Place" in Bangalore, what would it be? The goodfolks over at MTV India have chosen Koshy's as their winner of the Lycra MTV Style Award. Who would have thought....

Jobless Picture.

2006-09-25T12:11:00.000+05:30

Saw this at the junction of the road leading from Hosmat to Victoria Road, from Airport Road and to the road to Ejipura. (Name anyone?)

Unbelievably spastic driving.

First Take. T'chi. Tchi.

2006-09-24T22:28:00.000+05:30

After much, and familiar, familial bickering, we decided to try T'chi (or is it Tchi?), a new South East Asian restaurant on Edwards Road (which is off Queens Road, the last turn to the right before the Indian Express Junction, Ph: 41473131)

They have styled themselves on the lines of a Pan Asian restaurant, but they are far more focused on Chinese cuisine than the others. The menu does have a smattering of Thai and Vietnamese but they only distract from the fabulous Chinese food they have on offer. I'm told they have a chef from Hong Kong and that's also where they import most of their ingredients from.

We had some very simple, yet phenomenal food. A crab meat and shark fin soup, some dim sum (they're starting a Hong Kong style dim-sum service soon), fabulously tender and flavorful squid, a seafood fried rice, kon pau prawn, an outstandingly simple, yet satisfying, beef with onion and the best Peking duck you can have in India. They also have abalone on the menu (@ Rs. 1400 a pop!) but it wasn't available yesterday. Interestingly, they also serve everything in half portions at 60% of the price. It's also that rare place that devotes one page of the menu to each member of the trinity.

It's hard to compare it to an existing Chinese restaurant. The Shanghai Club is good, and on their days may be ahead by only a nose, Shiok has a menu that's far more inclusive and Silver Wok, is, well it's good, but not in the same league.

I’ll try it again, very soon, and have a full report. In the meanwhile, pleased to be visiting and enjoying.

Safal Market

2006-09-20T10:48:00.000+05:30

So I decided to visit the Safal Market outside of Bangalore today. It's a massive project, 60 acres and the project outlay was in the region of a 150 crores (~40 million USD) and envisaged handling over 1900 tons of material a day. Unfortunately, while the infrastructure is impressive, it's functioning has been less so.

Why would a vegetable market require three helipads? (Bottom middle of the picture.)

Empty auction (They use a reverse dutch auction to sell produce.) halls and bare material warehouses attest to this. Buyers complain of untenable pricing and uncertainty of supplies.

It seems a pale shadow of the giant it was set up to be.

They have large humidity and temperature controlled storage and ripening chambers as well as huge sorting and holding halls. They use battery operated forklifts throughout the market.

There seems to be not rational explanation for the failure that this market has experienced. But I do wonder where all of this leaves the farmers who signed up with the cooperative.

Culture

2006-09-19T15:23:00.000+05:30

On the one hand, we now have a new radio station (Radio Indigo) that plays only Angrezi music (Yaaaayy!) in town and on the other hand, we have this (spotted on the Old Madras Road - Hebbal Ring Road).

Though the food is pretty good.

A Day Late

2006-09-19T10:10:00.000+05:30

Happy Birthday Dilettante!

Apologies for it being a day late and all but you never once said! *Bad boy!*

Well, maybe I did wish you after all! ;-)

Provo.

2006-09-18T12:44:00.000+05:30

If you ever make it to the T&C Islands (earlier), you could expect some of this.

That isn't butter. It's ice-cream. The colour is due, I am sure, to the expensive Madagascar Vanilla, they use. Or so Provo promises.

The cabbage, of course, is only till the chocolate sets.

Given that their cheapest room has an off-season rate of $425, pre-tax and no food, I'm not sure I'll make it any time soon, but if you do, say hello to Provo.

IP India

2006-09-16T09:55:00.000+05:30

Came across a classmate who is now blogging at Spicy IP. There are interesting posts on the state of Intellectual Property law and practise in India.

Do read this post on Zippo Lighters.

Feed My Phone.

2006-09-15T15:10:00.000+05:30

I'm most impressed with my phone. I've found it has an inbuilt RSS Reader.

Now if only there was a way I could get it to refresh at preset intervals...

Jobless Pictures. CMH Road Special.

2006-09-15T15:00:00.000+05:30

What can I add to this? ;-)

And previously...

Fifty and Five

2006-09-15T09:35:00.000+05:30

I decided to try a different 55-word post today. Hence, this is a continuation of Gaurav's 55-Fiction Chain Story.

.oOo-oOo.

She’d found it difficult to sleep last night. His piercing gaze, his deep voice, his shaggy, unkempt hair, grizzly stubble and his firm shake had left their indelible marks.

She was done with the pretty boys.

Stretching for her phone, she gasped, realizing she’d left it in the bloody taxi. And with it, his number.

.oOo-oOo.

And Chamique takes it forward.

So on and so forth...

City Beautiful.

2006-09-15T09:31:00.000+05:30

And another tag!

This really has been a week full of tags.

The brief, as outlined by Canace, who has apparently been lurking here awhile, is to post "...five things to do in your city - not touristy stuff, but what you love to do!" Unfortunately, there is only one city I can really call my own, Bangalore. So here is my list:

Tea at the Jaymahal Palace Hotel. It's a quiet, serene, green oasis of calm where you can still hear the birds and the rustle of the wind in the tall silver oaks. That and the tea is only Rs. 20. For a pot.
Sitting in Cubbon Park, with a book in one hand and "bobesity juice" in the other.
Getting on a bus, and buying a ticket to the last stop. Then in reverse.
Sitting on the pedestrian over-bridge on Residency Road at night. Sharing an ice-cream. It used to be sitting on the wall outside Galaxy, but this is so much nicer.
Breakfasts at ICH.

Yes, I do realize that these are all in some way connected to food. But that's just me. In turn, I tag Dilettante, Chamique, Recluse and Culture Czar.

Corruption

2006-09-14T15:35:00.000+05:30

Following this post, one reads of this.

Karnataka would be the Bihar or Uttar Pradesh of the South if it wasn't for Bangalore. At the rate we're descending the nadir isn't far. Once we get there, we'll have hit the tipping point and reversal will be impossible.

And we'll have our city back. Bring it on!

Jobless Pictures.

2006-09-13T16:08:00.000+05:30

Been a while since we've done this.

Where is this?

A new McD's on Brigade Road. This one is company owned. Doubt that'll improve the food.

End Game.

2006-09-13T13:51:00.000+05:30

Has anyone else sensed that the social contract in India seems to be breaking down? That the citizens no longer have faith in the institutions of the Government, and they very well may not have had faith for a while now, but are now rather blasé in taking matters into their own hand, collectively and singularly? That the Government can only stand by as a mute witness to the break-down of civil society? That the Government, politicians, beaureaucrats and all, are hoarding in anticipation of a fast approaching day of implosion? I'd hesitate to call it anarchy, more like a recidivist version of Darwinism.

It's not that the Government cannot intervene, it's that they no longer know how to intervene.

~o~o~x~o~o~

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."

~ William Butler Yeats. "The Second Coming"

Strange Google Searches.

2006-09-12T15:54:00.000+05:30

So I was reading Gaurav's blog and came across a post where he had listed some strange Google searches that had led people to his blog. Being the geek I am, I wondered if we could make this into a meme.

So here are the ten strangest terms that have brought visitors to this blog:

'hairless lips'
grand marna blue berry jam
kamala unnikrishnan "gynaecologist"
maharashtrian people are lazy
What is irony?
looking for supplier for fry prawn
ganja chennai buying
Love trust jealous
pornguru
did you see a tiger palace on wheels

In turn, I tag Dibyo, Corporate Whore, Amit Varma and Chamique.

Time

2006-09-12T00:01:00.000+05:30

Six months. One hundred and eighty four days. Two hundred and sixty four thousand nine hundred and sixty minutes. And almost sixteen million seconds.

What can you tell in that period? How much can you realize? About yourself and about the person that you are with? Is it too short a time or too long a time? For anything? For everything? Or is it just enough time to know how you truly feel about another? Is it enough time to find that the constellation of emotions orbiting your world is actually because your worlds' orbit each other? Is it enough time to find everything you've ever wanted in a relationship? Is it enough time to realize that everything you need is standing right in front of you? Is it enough time to realize that the other brings out the best in you? Is it enough time to find that her absence means more to you than anyone else's presence?

Then again, maybe you found these answers at the outset. I know I did.

Love. Time. They're funny old things. And worth rediscovering anew. Everyday.

Fear Of Flying

2006-09-10T23:17:00.000+05:30

I was reading the latest edition of the Economist and came across this gem. As much as I would liked to have posted in on our new link blog (Hint! Hint! Bookmark! Subscribe!), it was far too funny to languish in the relative anonymity that my new blog inhabits! Enjoy.

x-o-o-o-o-x

"GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas."

Silliness

2006-09-10T10:05:00.000+05:30

BB and I got tagged by Chamique.

Silly picture, it seems! After much exhortation (threatening ?) by Chamique - BB and I decided to show you dear reader what we look like. (Ignore the shamla picture from the New Year Day's Post). BB did his here and I finally found one.

This was taken back in the wedding season. Duja and I were skulking around the Leela before anyone had come in and he sees the empty throne/love seat and says pictures on the thing need to be taken. It was a leettle weird when an uncle-type person walking by was wondering what was on with the dudes. It wasn't one of my more inspired silly moments but one of the very few captured on pixels.

I now tag Mohayana, h., and Kart. Oh and Destination Unknown also - because we're curious.

Cafe Max

2006-09-09T12:16:00.000+05:30

..is now open. It did 4 weeks ago, apparently.

So Corporate Whore and I were belting the pani puri at MK Retail and we had more time to kill before meeting the boys at Shahi, when we decided to enquire about the cafe at Max Mueller Bhavan across the road. Asked the security guard downstairs and he said it was open. So took the elevator upstairs we did.

Views of only CMH Road and the cross road but charming nevertheless. And far more spacious than the old place.
Coffee, tea and apple pie.

Other stuff they had.

And look - Unisex Loo!

Farewell

2006-09-09T11:45:00.000+05:30

Why is it so difficult to say goodbye? If you can rationalize the farewell as being in your best interests ought emotion not get in the way? To cling to every last moment you can extract from that shared promise. To swear fidelity knowing neither of you will. To savour the sentimentality of years gone by for one last wretched moment? To reminisce about times that mean less as days go by?

I’ve been trying so very hard to say goodbye to an old friend and lover. One who turned out to be a fiend. She was a good mistress at first. High maintenance, I’ll readily admit, but asked for very little in return. She was never jealous and didn’t mind me sharing her. Some of my best friends have tasted her sweet, but oh so addictive, lips. And I’ve made some friends by having shared her.

I first met her, many years ago, on a school trip to the hills. She lured me with her promise of warmth when all around the mist was closing in. Her burning embrace alleviated the cold for a while but it soon became obvious that I was being sucked into her vortex faster than my happy brain could react. And then I began to visit her for the fiery glow she gave me. More often than was good for me. She kept me warm when no one else would. She was by my side when all else had abandoned me. And all the while she asked for nothing in return but my money. It was an easy alliance. In retrospect, all too easy.

In time, however, it became embarrassing to take her out in public. Apparently her kind had gone out of vogue. She was apparently a vector of disease. Her easy, some may say slutty ways, endangered her lovers and her lovers acquaintances, even if they didn’t share her love. She was banned from going to most public places and I only loved her more. For being with me despite the social ostracism. We’d share stolen moments, furtively hiding in dark corners and careful not to let anyone see our frenetic movements.

But now I’ve come to that open realization that she was, and is, bad for me. I can’t keep up with her anymore. She’s forever young but our love has taken its toll on me. I’m breathless and tired when I’m with her. And because of her. I know it’s for the best for us to part. And I’ve been trying, so so hard, to let go. And have closure. We still hook-up once in a while, with a satisfyingly decreasing frequency, but I need to end this. I can’t live my life with her. Her love may be unconditional but it requires too much from me. Else she’ll kill me. And that’s far too high a price to pay for her love. I hope we’ll be able to stay apart. Forever. Help me stay strong.

"Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend."

Flash 55.

2006-09-08T12:40:00.000+05:30

She watched her daughter's frantic hands spill the crayons onto the floor. Purple and blue wouldn't do. Lavender was what she wanted.

How they both missed him. How he would have loved the drawings on the fridge.

He had always been the one with taste. Boldly metrosexual. Distinguishing heather from lavender.

Bloody stupid drunken driver...

-o-x-o- -o-x-o- -o-x-o-

Posted in reply to this by Chamique.

Silly. Or Not.

2006-09-08T11:36:00.000+05:30

Having been tagged by Chamique, I spent hours furiously rooting through my sparse collection of pictures looking for something silly. Suffice to say, I didn't find much. This was the best I could do.

And this one, courtesy Photoshop and free time . My superpower, I hear you ask? I can see your underwear. Really. I can. Yes you! You with the black satin and lace thong. My accomplice, you ask? Dilettante, of course.

I'll leave it to Dilettante to post his picture and pass the tag on.

Jobless 55

2006-09-06T19:43:00.000+05:30

Stories of unemployment. Not always fiction but 55 nevertheless. Maybe I'll do more posts, wait and see.

“So how was the interview?”

“Kinda decent. He offered me the position within some 20 minutes of meeting me.”

“And?”

“He wrote a figure on a paper – and I told him that I was looking at a significantly higher number.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Also, uh, I asked him to think about it and get back to me.”

Jealous Love.

2006-09-04T11:27:00.000+05:30

A friend of mine sent me this email exchange between three people. I can assure you it's real and not a figment of my imagination. The subject line of the mail was, "Not Safe For Work"

You can't but help feel sorry for the guy and the pair of pants he has lost for good...

~o-x-o~ ~o-x-o~ ~o-x-o~

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 1, 2006
To: Boy 1

But so so funny!

http://freethunk.net/humanistsinlove/deistontop.php

From: Boy 1
Date: Sep 1, 2006
To: Girl 2

http://freethunk.net/humanistsinlove/deistontop.php

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 3, 2006
To: Girl 1

Hi,

This is Girl 2, Boy 1's fiance.......I would like you to stop sending such dirty mails to Boy 1...

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

Hi,

Uh, Girl 2 I don't think you understood the humour, then.

And since Boy 1 was the one who sent it to you, maybe you should tell him not to send you cartoons that you might find offensive. I have no reason whatsoever to be dragged into you relationship, so I suggest you sort it out between the two of you.

Congratulations and all the best to the both of you.

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 1

Well...The pornographic cartoon strip of humor which you referrin to...Ahem ....I did get it! Although I am not comfortable with you sending such fwds again to Boy 1!

As for Boy 1 sending me the forwards, well our Relationship is based on Trust and there are certain commitments that we have made for each other...and so my point being here is that you are not bein dragged into our relationship.

My suggestion to you, is STOP mailing such unwanted mails to Boy 1 in future....cos it might lead to complications.

Thanx for yer wishes!

P.S: This is Oh so! not MYproblem attitude has not got me offensive!

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

Then why don't you trust him enough to receive and send cartoons?

Again, I find it strange that this bothers you enough to email a complete stranger instructions on what to send/not send to someone else. Insightful.

And please don't reply to this, you've got your message across to me. Maybe you should start dredging through Boy 1's inbox to make sure you're being thorough with the censoring process.

=)

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 1

I trust him
I dont Trust you
Also dont tell me not to reply to this!
And I have all the Rights to do What I want with Boy 1!
You have no authority on me or Boy 1 to tell us on how to Trust each other!...Intruder!

Please Leave us Alone...

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

This is hilarious! You're feeling threatened by a total stranger.
Please feel free to mail as and when you please Girl 2, this is endless entertainment.(It'll also come in handy when I get around to writing my self-help book on the power polictics of relationships.)

Good luck with your married life both of you!

DalFryDay

2006-09-04T10:10:00.000+05:30

I've been following this blog over the last few months and it looks like the project is fast approaching fruition. It's a new restaurant, Dalfryday, that's opening near IIM-B and is slated for soft-launch on the 10th of September. I wish them all the best and hope to visit soon.

Bangalore, Coffee, Restaurantbiz and Everything else