Play-Yah

So the girl I'm dating tells me that her father thinks I'm a playboy. As stunned as I was, and a little bit flattered, I had to ask why he thought so. The answer, my dear readers, shocked me. My suave manners, dashing attire and erudite speech were not reason enough to label me a playboy.

It was my "flashy car" that did the trick.

And the car in question is this:

A seven year old, now discontinued, diesel burning Ford Escort that has done over a hundred thousand kilometers. I'd attribute this solely to the loving care (and thousands of rupees) that I've spent at Cauvery Ford.

And the girlfriend adds that the previous boyfriend was bertated because he didn't have a car and hence was not certified to transport precious cargo.

Parents! There's no pleasing 'em!

Style

If you had to choose "The Most Stylish Place" in Bangalore, what would it be? The goodfolks over at MTV India have chosen Koshy's as their winner of the Lycra MTV Style Award. Who would have thought....

Jobless Picture.

Saw this at the junction of the road leading from Hosmat to Victoria Road, from Airport Road and to the road to Ejipura. (Name anyone?)

Unbelievably spastic driving.

First Take. T'chi. Tchi.

After much, and familiar, familial bickering, we decided to try T'chi (or is it Tchi?), a new South East Asian restaurant on Edwards Road (which is off Queens Road, the last turn to the right before the Indian Express Junction, Ph: 41473131)

They have styled themselves on the lines of a Pan Asian restaurant, but they are far more focused on Chinese cuisine than the others. The menu does have a smattering of Thai and Vietnamese but they only distract from the fabulous Chinese food they have on offer. I'm told they have a chef from Hong Kong and that's also where they import most of their ingredients from.

We had some very simple, yet phenomenal food. A crab meat and shark fin soup, some dim sum (they're starting a Hong Kong style dim-sum service soon), fabulously tender and flavorful squid, a seafood fried rice, kon pau prawn, an outstandingly simple, yet satisfying, beef with onion and the best Peking duck you can have in India. They also have abalone on the menu (@ Rs. 1400 a pop!) but it wasn't available yesterday. Interestingly, they also serve everything in half portions at 60% of the price. It's also that rare place that devotes one page of the menu to each member of the trinity.

It's hard to compare it to an existing Chinese restaurant. The Shanghai Club is good, and on their days may be ahead by only a nose, Shiok has a menu that's far more inclusive and Silver Wok, is, well it's good, but not in the same league.

I’ll try it again, very soon, and have a full report. In the meanwhile, pleased to be visiting and enjoying.

Safal Market

So I decided to visit the Safal Market outside of Bangalore today. It's a massive project, 60 acres and the project outlay was in the region of a 150 crores (~40 million USD) and envisaged handling over 1900 tons of material a day. Unfortunately, while the infrastructure is impressive, it's functioning has been less so.

Why would a vegetable market require three helipads? (Bottom middle of the picture.)

Empty auction (They use a reverse dutch auction to sell produce.) halls and bare material warehouses attest to this. Buyers complain of untenable pricing and uncertainty of supplies.

It seems a pale shadow of the giant it was set up to be.

They have large humidity and temperature controlled storage and ripening chambers as well as huge sorting and holding halls. They use battery operated forklifts throughout the market.

There seems to be not rational explanation for the failure that this market has experienced. But I do wonder where all of this leaves the farmers who signed up with the cooperative.

Culture

On the one hand, we now have a new radio station (Radio Indigo) that plays only Angrezi music (Yaaaayy!) in town and on the other hand, we have this (spotted on the Old Madras Road - Hebbal Ring Road).

Though the food is pretty good.

A Day Late

Happy Birthday Dilettante!

Apologies for it being a day late and all but you never once said! *Bad boy!*


Well, maybe I did wish you after all! ;-)

Provo.

If you ever make it to the T&C Islands (earlier), you could expect some of this.

That isn't butter. It's ice-cream. The colour is due, I am sure, to the expensive Madagascar Vanilla, they use. Or so Provo promises.

The cabbage, of course, is only till the chocolate sets.


Given that their cheapest room has an off-season rate of $425, pre-tax and no food, I'm not sure I'll make it any time soon, but if you do, say hello to Provo.

IP India

Came across a classmate who is now blogging at Spicy IP. There are interesting posts on the state of Intellectual Property law and practise in India.

Do read this post on Zippo Lighters.

Feed My Phone.

I'm most impressed with my phone. I've found it has an inbuilt RSS Reader.

Now if only there was a way I could get it to refresh at preset intervals...

Jobless Pictures. CMH Road Special.

What can I add to this? ;-)

And previously...

Fifty and Five

I decided to try a different 55-word post today. Hence, this is a continuation of Gaurav's 55-Fiction Chain Story.

.oOo-oOo.

She’d found it difficult to sleep last night. His piercing gaze, his deep voice, his shaggy, unkempt hair, grizzly stubble and his firm shake had left their indelible marks.

She was done with the pretty boys.

Stretching for her phone, she gasped, realizing she’d left it in the bloody taxi. And with it, his number.

.oOo-oOo.

And Chamique takes it forward.

So on and so forth...

City Beautiful.

And another tag!

This really has been a week full of tags.

The brief, as outlined by Canace, who has apparently been lurking here awhile, is to post "...five things to do in your city - not touristy stuff, but what you love to do!" Unfortunately, there is only one city I can really call my own, Bangalore. So here is my list:

1. Tea at the Jaymahal Palace Hotel. It's a quiet, serene, green oasis of calm where you can still hear the birds and the rustle of the wind in the tall silver oaks. That and the tea is only Rs. 20. For a pot.
2. Sitting in Cubbon Park, with a book in one hand and "bobesity juice" in the other.
3. Getting on a bus, and buying a ticket to the last stop. Then in reverse.
4. Sitting on the pedestrian over-bridge on Residency Road at night. Sharing an ice-cream. It used to be sitting on the wall outside Galaxy, but this is so much nicer.
5. Breakfasts at ICH.
   

Yes, I do realize that these are all in some way connected to food. But that's just me. In turn, I tag Dilettante, Chamique, Recluse and Culture Czar.

Corruption

Following this post, one reads of this.

Karnataka would be the Bihar or Uttar Pradesh of the South if it wasn't for Bangalore. At the rate we're descending the nadir isn't far. Once we get there, we'll have hit the tipping point and reversal will be impossible.

And we'll have our city back. Bring it on!

Jobless Pictures.

Been a while since we've done this.

Where is this?

A new McD's on Brigade Road. This one is company owned. Doubt that'll improve the food.

End Game.

Has anyone else sensed that the social contract in India seems to be breaking down? That the citizens no longer have faith in the institutions of the Government, and they very well may not have had faith for a while now, but are now rather blasé in taking matters into their own hand, collectively and singularly? That the Government can only stand by as a mute witness to the break-down of civil society? That the Government, politicians, beaureaucrats and all, are hoarding in anticipation of a fast approaching day of implosion? I'd hesitate to call it anarchy, more like a recidivist version of Darwinism.

It's not that the Government cannot intervene, it's that they no longer know how to intervene.

~o~o~x~o~o~

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre,
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all convictions, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."

~ William Butler Yeats. "The Second Coming"

Strange Google Searches.

So I was reading Gaurav's blog and came across a post where he had listed some strange Google searches that had led people to his blog. Being the geek I am, I wondered if we could make this into a meme.

So here are the ten strangest terms that have brought visitors to this blog:

1. 'hairless lips'
2. grand marna blue berry jam
3. kamala unnikrishnan "gynaecologist"
4. maharashtrian people are lazy
5. What is irony?
6. looking for supplier for fry prawn
7. ganja chennai buying
8. Love trust jealous
9. pornguru
10. did you see a tiger palace on wheels

In turn, I tag Dibyo, Corporate Whore, Amit Varma and Chamique.

Time

Six months. One hundred and eighty four days. Two hundred and sixty four thousand nine hundred and sixty minutes. And almost sixteen million seconds.

What can you tell in that period? How much can you realize? About yourself and about the person that you are with? Is it too short a time or too long a time? For anything? For everything? Or is it just enough time to know how you truly feel about another? Is it enough time to find that the constellation of emotions orbiting your world is actually because your worlds' orbit each other? Is it enough time to find everything you've ever wanted in a relationship? Is it enough time to realize that everything you need is standing right in front of you? Is it enough time to realize that the other brings out the best in you? Is it enough time to find that her absence means more to you than anyone else's presence?

Then again, maybe you found these answers at the outset. I know I did.

Love. Time. They're funny old things. And worth rediscovering anew. Everyday.

Fear Of Flying

I was reading the latest edition of the Economist and came across this gem. As much as I would liked to have posted in on our new link blog (Hint! Hint! Bookmark! Subscribe!), it was far too funny to languish in the relative anonymity that my new blog inhabits! Enjoy.

x-o-o-o-o-x

"GOOD morning, ladies and gentlemen. We are delighted to welcome you aboard Veritas Airways, the airline that tells it like it is. Please ensure that your seat belt is fastened, your seat back is upright and your tray-table is stowed. At Veritas Airways, your safety is our first priority. Actually, that is not quite true: if it were, our seats would be rear-facing, like those in military aircraft, since they are safer in the event of an emergency landing. But then hardly anybody would buy our tickets and we would go bust.

The flight attendants are now pointing out the emergency exits. This is the part of the announcement that you might want to pay attention to. So stop your sudoku for a minute and listen: knowing in advance where the exits are makes a dramatic difference to your chances of survival if we have to evacuate the aircraft. Also, please keep your seat belt fastened when seated, even if the seat-belt light is not illuminated. This is to protect you from the risk of clear-air turbulence, a rare but extremely nasty form of disturbance that can cause severe injury. Imagine the heavy food trolleys jumping into the air and bashing into the overhead lockers, and you will have some idea of how nasty it can be. We don't want to scare you. Still, keep that seat belt fastened all the same.

Your life-jacket can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not bother to look for it at all. In the event of a landing on water, an unprecedented miracle will have occurred, because in the history of aviation the number of wide-bodied aircraft that have made successful landings on water is zero. This aircraft is equipped with inflatable slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any difference. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space helmets and anti-gravity belts should also be removed, since even to mention the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of science fiction.

Please switch off all mobile phones, since they can interfere with the aircraft's navigation systems. At least, that's what you've always been told. The real reason to switch them off is because they interfere with mobile networks on the ground, but somehow that doesn't sound quite so good. On most flights a few mobile phones are left on by mistake, so if they were really dangerous we would not allow them on board at all, if you think about it. We will have to come clean about this next year, when we introduce in-flight calling across the Veritas fleet. At that point the prospect of taking a cut of the sky-high calling charges will miraculously cause our safety concerns about mobile phones to evaporate.

On channel 11 of our in-flight entertainment system you will find a video consisting of abstract imagery and a new-age soundtrack, with a voice-over explaining some exercises you can do to reduce the risk of deep-vein thrombosis. We are aware that this video is tedious, but it is not meant to be fun. It is meant to limit our liability in the event of lawsuits.

Once we have reached cruising altitude you will be offered a light meal and a choice of beverages—a word that sounds so much better than just saying ‘drinks’, don't you think? The purpose of these refreshments is partly to keep you in your seats where you cannot do yourselves or anyone else any harm. Please consume alcohol in moderate quantities so that you become mildly sedated but not rowdy. That said, we can always turn the cabin air-quality down a notch or two to help ensure that you are sufficiently drowsy.

After take-off, the most dangerous part of the flight, the captain will say a few words that will either be so quiet that you will not be able to hear them, or so loud that they could wake the dead. So please sit back, relax and enjoy the flight. We appreciate that you have a choice of airlines and we thank you for choosing Veritas, a member of an incomprehensible alliance of obscure foreign outfits, most of which you have never heard of. Cabin crew, please make sure we have remembered to close the doors. Sorry, I mean: ‘Doors to automatic and cross-check’. Thank you for flying Veritas."

Silliness

BB and I got tagged by Chamique.

Silly picture, it seems! After much exhortation (threatening ?) by Chamique - BB and I decided to show you dear reader what we look like. (Ignore the shamla picture from the New Year Day's Post). BB did his here and I finally found one.

This was taken back in the wedding season. Duja and I were skulking around the Leela before anyone had come in and he sees the empty throne/love seat and says pictures on the thing need to be taken. It was a leettle weird when an uncle-type person walking by was wondering what was on with the dudes. It wasn't one of my more inspired silly moments but one of the very few captured on pixels.

I now tag Mohayana, h., and Kart. Oh and Destination Unknown also - because we're curious.

Cafe Max

..is now open. It did 4 weeks ago, apparently.

So Corporate Whore and I were belting the pani puri at MK Retail and we had more time to kill before meeting the boys at Shahi, when we decided to enquire about the cafe at Max Mueller Bhavan across the road. Asked the security guard downstairs and he said it was open. So took the elevator upstairs we did.

Views of only CMH Road and the cross road but charming nevertheless. And far more spacious than the old place.
Coffee, tea and apple pie.

Other stuff they had.

And look - Unisex Loo!

Farewell

Why is it so difficult to say goodbye? If you can rationalize the farewell as being in your best interests ought emotion not get in the way? To cling to every last moment you can extract from that shared promise. To swear fidelity knowing neither of you will. To savour the sentimentality of years gone by for one last wretched moment? To reminisce about times that mean less as days go by?

I’ve been trying so very hard to say goodbye to an old friend and lover. One who turned out to be a fiend. She was a good mistress at first. High maintenance, I’ll readily admit, but asked for very little in return. She was never jealous and didn’t mind me sharing her. Some of my best friends have tasted her sweet, but oh so addictive, lips. And I’ve made some friends by having shared her.

I first met her, many years ago, on a school trip to the hills. She lured me with her promise of warmth when all around the mist was closing in. Her burning embrace alleviated the cold for a while but it soon became obvious that I was being sucked into her vortex faster than my happy brain could react. And then I began to visit her for the fiery glow she gave me. More often than was good for me. She kept me warm when no one else would. She was by my side when all else had abandoned me. And all the while she asked for nothing in return but my money. It was an easy alliance. In retrospect, all too easy.

In time, however, it became embarrassing to take her out in public. Apparently her kind had gone out of vogue. She was apparently a vector of disease. Her easy, some may say slutty ways, endangered her lovers and her lovers acquaintances, even if they didn’t share her love. She was banned from going to most public places and I only loved her more. For being with me despite the social ostracism. We’d share stolen moments, furtively hiding in dark corners and careful not to let anyone see our frenetic movements.

But now I’ve come to that open realization that she was, and is, bad for me. I can’t keep up with her anymore. She’s forever young but our love has taken its toll on me. I’m breathless and tired when I’m with her. And because of her. I know it’s for the best for us to part. And I’ve been trying, so so hard, to let go. And have closure. We still hook-up once in a while, with a satisfyingly decreasing frequency, but I need to end this. I can’t live my life with her. Her love may be unconditional but it requires too much from me. Else she’ll kill me. And that’s far too high a price to pay for her love. I hope we’ll be able to stay apart. Forever. Help me stay strong.

"Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend."

Flash 55.

She watched her daughter's frantic hands spill the crayons onto the floor. Purple and blue wouldn't do. Lavender was what she wanted.

How they both missed him. How he would have loved the drawings on the fridge.

He had always been the one with taste. Boldly metrosexual. Distinguishing heather from lavender.

Bloody stupid drunken driver...

-o-x-o- -o-x-o- -o-x-o-

Posted in reply to this by Chamique.

Silly. Or Not.

Having been tagged by Chamique, I spent hours furiously rooting through my sparse collection of pictures looking for something silly. Suffice to say, I didn't find much. This was the best I could do.

And this one, courtesy Photoshop and free time . My superpower, I hear you ask? I can see your underwear. Really. I can. Yes you! You with the black satin and lace thong. My accomplice, you ask? Dilettante, of course.

I'll leave it to Dilettante to post his picture and pass the tag on.

Jobless 55

Stories of unemployment. Not always fiction but 55 nevertheless. Maybe I'll do more posts, wait and see.

“So how was the interview?”

“Kinda decent. He offered me the position within some 20 minutes of meeting me.”

“And?”

“He wrote a figure on a paper – and I told him that I was looking at a significantly higher number.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Also, uh, I asked him to think about it and get back to me.”

Jealous Love.

A friend of mine sent me this email exchange between three people. I can assure you it's real and not a figment of my imagination. The subject line of the mail was, "Not Safe For Work"

You can't but help feel sorry for the guy and the pair of pants he has lost for good...

~o-x-o~ ~o-x-o~ ~o-x-o~

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 1, 2006
To: Boy 1

But so so funny!

http://freethunk.net/humanistsinlove/deistontop.php

From: Boy 1
Date: Sep 1, 2006
To: Girl 2

http://freethunk.net/humanistsinlove/deistontop.php

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 3, 2006
To: Girl 1

Hi,

This is Girl 2, Boy 1's fiance.......I would like you to stop sending such dirty mails to Boy 1...

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

Hi,

Uh, Girl 2 I don't think you understood the humour, then.

And since Boy 1 was the one who sent it to you, maybe you should tell him not to send you cartoons that you might find offensive. I have no reason whatsoever to be dragged into you relationship, so I suggest you sort it out between the two of you.

Congratulations and all the best to the both of you.

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 1

Well...The pornographic cartoon strip of humor which you referrin to...Ahem ....I did get it! Although I am not comfortable with you sending such fwds again to Boy 1!

As for Boy 1 sending me the forwards, well our Relationship is based on Trust and there are certain commitments that we have made for each other...and so my point being here is that you are not bein dragged into our relationship.

My suggestion to you, is STOP mailing such unwanted mails to Boy 1 in future....cos it might lead to complications.

Thanx for yer wishes!

P.S: This is Oh so! not MYproblem attitude has not got me offensive!

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

Then why don't you trust him enough to receive and send cartoons?

Again, I find it strange that this bothers you enough to email a complete stranger instructions on what to send/not send to someone else. Insightful.

And please don't reply to this, you've got your message across to me. Maybe you should start dredging through Boy 1's inbox to make sure you're being thorough with the censoring process.

=)

From: Girl 2
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 1

I trust him
I dont Trust you
Also dont tell me not to reply to this!
And I have all the Rights to do What I want with Boy 1!
You have no authority on me or Boy 1 to tell us on how to Trust each other!...Intruder!

Please Leave us Alone...

From: Girl 1
Date: Sep 4, 2006
To: Girl 2

This is hilarious! You're feeling threatened by a total stranger.
Please feel free to mail as and when you please Girl 2, this is endless entertainment.(It'll also come in handy when I get around to writing my self-help book on the power polictics of relationships.)

Good luck with your married life both of you!

DalFryDay

I've been following this blog over the last few months and it looks like the project is fast approaching fruition. It's a new restaurant, Dalfryday, that's opening near IIM-B and is slated for soft-launch on the 10th of September. I wish them all the best and hope to visit soon.

Bangalore, Coffee, Restaurantbiz and Everything else

Five and Fifty.

"Everyone’s asleep; let’ s go."
"In a plane toilet? You sure?"
"Yes. This one's empty. No one's looking, you go first."
"It’s cramped. Let me sit down."
"Have you got it?"
"Yes."
"Quick! Get it out now."
"Perfume - you always think of everything."
"Hit me! Harder! And again!"
"Sigh… Thank you. That was wonderful…"

~o-x-x-x-o~

And Chamique has replied here.

And Deep has replied to Chamique here.

Anyone else to take it forward?

As an aside, do read this post by Falstaff where he ponders on how "airplane lavatories would be the perfect place to kill yourself."